it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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