the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
