K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
