who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
