I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
