life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
