clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
