When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
