It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
