hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize