We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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