i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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