How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
