my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
