There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
