Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
