i love accidental penises.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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