I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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