all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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