I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
