I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
