Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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