I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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