OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
