Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
