It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
