bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
