Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
