Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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