You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
