I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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