So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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