barbara walters just said penis...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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