dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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