Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
