you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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