A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize