I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
