I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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