I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
