you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want a musical about memes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
