Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I look better un-naked...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
