she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
