by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
