I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
