You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
