He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize