why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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