Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
