i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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