That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
