Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
