I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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