i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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