let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
