I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
