whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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