Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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