His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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